


Rejected Feelings

by Snow09



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Male Character, Canon Divergence, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Relationships, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emotional Flint, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Past Relationship(s), Possessive John, Rejection, Relationship Advice, Rescue, Rescue Missions, Reunions, Romance, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad John, Supportive Thomas, Time Skips, crying james, five year time skip, he cries alot, kind of, sad james
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 12:37:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11290884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow09/pseuds/Snow09
Summary: Five years have passed after James was reunited with Thomas. He's happy, but there is still something bothering him. Like a part of him is missing.John rescues both James and Thomas from the plantation. Now it is up to them to face the feelings they have for each other or to forget them completely.





	Rejected Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> James is a complete and utter crybaby in this fanfic.

Thomas and James were stretched out under a tree, looking up at the afternoon sky. They didn't touch or speak, but the intimacy was still there. 

It had been five years since James arrived. Five years filled with sharing each other's tears and joys. They both had been through so much, had lost so much, that being with each eased the pain. Thomas helped James re-evaluate his life, to think clearly again. Both lived in peace, or as much peace a labor plantation could offer. They caught up their lives, filling each other in on all the things they'd discovered and learned, all the things they'd experienced. 

Opening up to Thomas helped ease James's mind. Sharing all the compressed feelings after so long opened floodgates in James. He let the emotion show. He finally openly cried, laughed and loved. 

But even with this new emotional freedom, there was still something bothering him. His heart would contract whenever he ate pork. His mind would wander, thinking of the sea.  
He couldn't understand it. He didn't miss the ocean or his crew. So why was he thinking about it then? 

It confused him. Even being with Thomas didn't fix it. It was strong, sometimes killing his mood completely, making him seclude himself from Thomas. 

He tried to place it but he couldn't. Thomas listened patiently when James finally confided in him. He listened to every detail, taking note of every time he mentioned something important, something that would give an answer. After a day he noticed James' continued mention of a certain brunette. Slowly adding together the fond voice and doe eyes, he came to one conclusion. James was in love with someone, and that someone was John Silver. It didn't bother him that James longed for another man, he encouraged it. After all, he was the one who had introduced James to the life of open relationships. 

When James heard Thomas's conclusion, he was shocked. Him? In love with John?! The John?! The annoying Spaniard that came into his life like a hurricane. The conniving shit that ruined his plans. The person who saved him, reunited him with Thomas. Maybe not that shocking. 

It took him a while to accept it, but when he did he thought on it, mulling it over. Having finally confirmed it, James ached more. Before it was a dull throb with no place. Now, knowing its foundation, the ache throbbed more and more, causing pain that was almost unbearable. Thomas comforted him, but it didn't fix much. A part of him was missing; every day went by with a sense of longing. 

While they lay there, James looked up at the sky and saw how much more colorful Johns' eyes were, how much brighter his smile was. He thought how he came to love John as much as he loved Thomas. He was so distracted he didn't notice the man that had been calling their names. 

"James dear" Thomas said while nudging him,"we are being called for."

"By who?" James said pushing himself off the ground

"One of the officers, he said that he will be taking us to our keeper " 

The ones in charge liked to be referred to as Sir, master or keeper, giving their sadistic egos a boost. 

Looking worriedly at each other, James and Thomas followed the man. No one was called for good things to their keepers. Every group had one, and they were the equivalent of tyrants. 

James' brain was in a panic. 'What did we do? Is this because of me?!' James looked around the building they entered. With his blood pumping, James mapped everything. Looking around he evaluated for the best escape routes. But it was useless, the entire plantation was surrounded by miles of flat land. No place to run or hide. 

As James' nerves frayed more, he gave Thomas' hand a small but firm squeeze before they were led into an office. They stood there as the man looked up at them with disgust in his eyes. 

James started sweating. 'This is it, they found out about us. They'll try to kill us. If he takes even one step towards Thomas i'll-' 

"Both of you scum have been released."

James stared at the man. "What?"

"You deaf?" he sneered," You've been released. Get your shit and leave in the next hour." 

"Sir, why are we being released?" Thomas asked. His face was a mixture of joy and dread. He'd dreamed of leaving since he arrived. He couldn't believe it was happening. 

The man's face twisted even more. "Some big shot from London came to get you two shits out. So. Go. And. Pack." 

They both left the office stunned. The same guard who brought them told them were to meet him after packing. They walked in silence to their beds. They looked at each other over the cot. The look of worry was in both of their eyes. 'Who's powerful enough to get us out?'

They both made it to their meeting point, from where they were led to a carriage with a tall blond man. The guard exchanged a few words with the blonde before looking back once more before leaving. 

James stood on guard. If this blonde shit meant harm, he'd beat him and take the carriage. He'd hijacked a ship, how hard could a carriage be?

As the three of them filled in, the man waited for the carriage to move before speaking. James leaned back in his seat, looking comfortable, but with anything but in his eyes. 

'My name is Fredrick Greenler. I am a-"

"Who sent you." James asked, arms crossed over his chest. 

"My employer is John Silver."

James stared, shocked. "John?" He asked breathlessly. His mind went blank as he stared at the man opposite him. Fredrick raised a pale eyebrow in question. Thomas turned to him, worry and surprise in his eyes. 

"Yes, John Silver."

"How did he manage it?" Thomas asked, awe clear in his voice.  
"He is a very powerful man." The blonde replied as it was the most obvious thing. "Powerful? As in money and status? How did a previous pirate manage it?" Thomas pressed. 

"Because he just did," Fredrick replied with annoyance. "Now men, both of you will be keeping a low profile. This entire event is on the borderline of illegal so you will have to be discreet. You two will follow the instructions written in here", he handed them a small package "Follow everything exactly and you will leave without a problem."

James, too shocked to talk, let Thomas negotiate. 

Thomas asked about the journey in detail. He knew his lover wasn't mentally here to ask anything meaningful. Then box had a rolled up map and a sack of pounds. Once the route was laid out and explained, Thomas looked back up at Fredrick. 

"This is quite an elaborate journey. How long have you been planning this?"

"Three years," he said like it was nothing. "Mr. Silver has paid me quite handsomely to find a way to release you two." Thomas's eyes widened at the prospect. James had told him plenty of the man, but it was still a shock. All James could think was 'He didn't forget me.'

"He is the one that decided on how to get you away. He has also provided all the money you will need." He said nodding towards the package. 

"Will we be meeting him?" James finally asked. 

"I do not know, all I was told to do was get you two out"

It then went silent, all three men in they're own minds. Thomas, with a small excited smile on his face, kept glancing at James. He was brimming with happiness at the thought of James being happy again. 'He will finally be reunited with his love'. 

As the carriage slowed to a stop, Fredrick gave them one last warning to stay low before leaving them in a crowded city street. 

OoooOoooO

It had taken three days to get to their checkpoint. In that time they didn't express anything but a chipper attitude. Meeting John would be a dream come true. To see him, to be in his presence, to have his voice wash over, would be perfect. And now they waited to be picked up by whoever John had planned. 

They were in the middle of nowhere, grassland around them as far as the eye could see James stood beside Thomas, looking at the surroundings. Ahead of them were a few hills leading off to a small beach. 

They waited for an hour or so before they finally saw people walking towards them. Two men who looked like insects from afar but soon enough the tattoos and sea worn clothing could be made out. Neither of them was familiar, but they seemed to recognize James. 

They regarded him with caution. "You must be Cap'in James" one of the men said "and your companion... Thomas."

Thomas smiled and answered, "Yes, are you gentlemen perhaps John Silvers men?"

After the men assessed James and Thomas, they turned and said a brisk "Foll'o us". 

They journeyed to the beach, and upon arriving they saw the magnificent ship that was previously obscured by the hills. As they rowed to the ship James tried to make out John in the hoard of figures he could see. A rope ladder was thrown down for them when they reached the ship. The two crewmen held on to its sides as James and Thomas climbed up. James was already tired from constant worry and the blaring hot sun didn't make it any easier. 

As he reached the top, James let his eyes adjust. He finally saw clearly he felt his heart would burst. The sight in front of him almost killed him. In front of him stood John Silver, looking more powerful and fearsome as the last time he'd seen him. He stood there tall and steady on his false leg. 'Looks like he's mastered it' thought James. 

When their eyes met, John put on his trademark grin, trying to cover up the smile that would reveal how he actually felt. James had more gray in his ginger locks, which should've made him look old but instead made him more rugged. His frown lines were softer and his sea torn skin was smoother, making him look younger. The only thing that hadn't changed was that he was still as handsome was ever. 'A geezer like that shouldn't look so good.'

John walked forward with his powerful gait, clapping James' arm before enveloping him in a hug.

"Never thought I'd see the day when the great Captain James looked nothing more than a chicken farmer."

They let go of one another, though neither one wanted to. "And I see your sailing again. What happened, end up finally likeng her?" he replied with a sharp smile. John finally smiled a small smile. "No, just couldn't forget", the fondness in his eyes catching James off guard, but the look was cut short. 

"And you must be Thomas" John turned his attention to the tall blonde, "A pleasure meeting you!" John turned and shook His hand. 

He then turned to his crew. "GET BACK TO WORK! Get this ship moving, we got a schedule to keep to!"

OoooOoooO

They had been led to their quarters before heading up to the deck. Silver stood there, surveying his ship. When he saw his guests, he waved them over. 

After exchanging pleasantries, James finally asked "Silver, why did you get us out?" Silver visibly tensed before he relaxed once more, though the smile on his face became more strained. 

"I think it is time we took this inside." He said, walking towards his quarters. Once seated, Silver looked at them from across his desk.

"This was supposed to be a gift" he began "A gift for Madi. She had not forgiven me for leaving you there. You two were supposed to be my gift to her, to get her to forgive me," he paused "but she left me a year ago." James felt pain for him, knowing how much Madi meant to John. "Now all I can hope for is her happiness when she sees you again." Silver said as he turned to look out the window, his back to them. 

"James has told me much about Madi, it will be lovely to meet her."

Silver turned to look at Thomas, "She'd like it too." After a small silence, he put his smile back on. "Come on now men, let's go admire the sea. I'm sure you haven't seen it in a while."

OoooOoooO

The sun was beating down on the ship. Some men were below deck, others standing in the breeze. James stood on the main deck leaning on the railing. He looked out across the water, letting the breeze whip around him. 

John watched him from the quarter deck. Looking down from his spot, he could see the peacefull look that made James look years younger. The sun shone through his clothes showing the curves and edges of his relaxed figure. 'What would it feel like to touch' he thought. John looked on longingly, a bitter smile on his lips. 

"He looks beautiful, does he not?" Thomas said as a slid in next to John, startling him. "What're you talking about?" John asked, putting on a mask. 

"James of course." Thomas looked down at James with a fond smile. "Well John, you could act and make him yours."

John stood shocked but quickly regained his composure. "No." He replied curtly. He would have joked about it but time had made him a harder, rougher person. His bravado now was nothing compared to what it used to be. 

The stern answer caught Thomas off guard. He looked over at Silver, seeing how the man was now standing straight, eyes hard. From everything he'd heard from James, Thomas had expected and loose and smooth reply. 

"What do you mean no? I have seen how you have been looking at him. Why not take the chance. I'm sure he will-"

"No." John said louder, harder. Thomas's eyes widened at his tone. "Why? Are you afraid of rejection? Then don't be, because he feels the same."

John went silent, looking at James with shock. 'He feels the same?' he thought with happiness. He let hope come, but then damped it down. There was no way he would ever confront James. Again he replied with "No"

Thomas looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "Elaborate more, won't you. How am I to know what the problem is if you only say 'No'." He turned towards Silver, making his own voice sterner. He had thought he would help make James happy, and now everything was blowing up in his face. "What is the reason for you to-"

"Enough!" Silver said louder. He looked ahead, glaring at the sea before giving Thomas a hard side eye. He composed himself and turned to Thomas. Standing straight with one hand on his cane while the other was behind his back, he talked calmer, feeling eyes on him after his outburst. 

"I have entertained the thought of having him after I had learned of his preferences. But I soon noticed it would not work. If James has told you anything, you should know I am a selfish man, and selfish men do not share what is theirs. I understand you two can share beds and lovers, but I can not. So yes, I can take a chance to have him and his love, but he loves you. He would still want you, and I would not, could not, share him if he was mine."

Looking back down he noticed James's eyes on both of them, worry hidden under his slightly surprised face. He looked back at Thomas's slack face. "I would hope you keep this from James, I have no want of answering his questions." Then, in the voice he used on his men, he said: "And do not ever bring this up again."

He turned sharply on his heel and walked off to his cabin, not caring of the eyes on him. He closed the door behind him, locking it before leaning back on it. "Why me?"

OoooOoooO

Thomas stood shocked, replaying the conversation in his head. He had never considered the possibility Silver would want James completely. From the way James had described him, he seemed to be open in everything he did. 

James walked up in front of him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Thomas, are you okay? What was that ?" James said with worry thick in his voice. Thomas looked up and straightened up. He smiled and looked at James. "Nothing, it was nothing. I was just testing his knowledge of the sea, I may have insulted him." He laughed weakly, trying to sell it. James gave a long look, not believing a word. "James, I feel quite fatigued, I'll go and rest." With that he walked down to his quarters. 

OoooOoooO 

The next half of the journey went by flawlessly. Nothing was said of their conversation, but it weighed heavy on both of the men's minds. 

Thomas on the deck with James, both of them quietly watching the men work. 

"LAND HOOOOO!"

They both stood up, looking for land. Silver walked up to the quarterdeck looking through the telescope. After confirming he started shouting orders. "Get ready, aim for land! Fix the sails and set North East!" Turning to one of his men, he asked for a messenger bird. "Get it ready, I want a message sent out immediately. Ask for permission to land."

After a few hours the island looked closer. John looked over his ship as James approached him. "Does she know we're on this ship?" John looked over at James who was looking ahead. "No, I want it to be a surprise." he said with a smile. 

"How long has it been since you've last been her?" 

"A year." He replied, face blank. 

"Where are we going after this?" James asked after a small silence. "You and Thomas will stay here for as long you two want. Since there is a lot of trade, you two can take passage from any ship to wherever you wish to go. Madi and I will work it all out. All expenses will also be taken care of."

"How is she supposed to help if she doesn't even know we're here? Will she even want to?"

"We both have many of the same acquaintances, we'll work something out. And yes, she is quite fond of you, she will help."

"How long will you be staying?" 

"Not long, once you two are dropped off, I'll be on my way."

"What? Your not going to-"

"Cap'in! A letter has come back." John turned from James to take it while James looked on with shock. Opening it, he read it and softly smile. He had half expected Madi to turn him away. Folding it, he started giving orders, "Land on the west side! Let's go, get this girl on track!" 

James stood back and watched. 'Why is he leaving right away?! I just got to see him again.' His thoughts took a course for the worst. All worry and sadness coming back, washing over him. He quickly left the deck and found his way to Thomas's quarters. Once inside, he locked the door. He stood there holding the knob, shoulders hunched. 

Thomas rushed to his side, a hand on his shoulder. James turned and saw the worry on Thomas' face. If he was the same man he was five years ago he would have brushed it off and kept it in. But he wasn't the same. He wasn't that strong anymore, so he let the pain show. "Thomas, why- why does this have to happen?! I haven't seen him in so long and he'll be leaving again." He let the tears fall, cursing his weakness. "It hurts so much Thomas. Why did I fall in love with him?!" His face scrunched up and he silently sobbed into Thomas's shoulder. At times like this he wished he was still as hardened before. 

Thomas stood there holding him, rubbing slow circles into his back. Je knew how to soothe him. James had come to him broken. It had taken so much work to get him to become this open. 

After his sobs turned to sniffles, James let Thomas lead him to bed. "He doesn't even know how I feel. He isn't even queer, what was I thinking ?" He groaned as he put his head in his hands. 

"I'm not too sure about that." Thomas slowly said. 

"What do you mean?" James looking at him. The confusion shining through the grief. 

"Do you remember the conversation Silver and I had out on the deck, the one you worried about?" James straightened up and nodded. 

"Well..."

OoooOoooO 

By the time Thomas was done, James was quiet.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he finally asked.  
"John had asked me to keep quiet. I did not want to cause trouble when he was not going to talk to you anyway." He looked at James, taking in the mess he'd partially caused. "I think you should talk to him." He squeezed James hand and pulled him into a hug. "You two need to talk this out. And he might even reconsider after hearing you."

James put their foreheads together. "This is Silver we're talking about. The man rivals my own stubbornness." Thomas smiled. "That doesn't mean you don't try."

Just then a knock disturbed them. "Captain Silver is asking for you." 

James steamed himself and stood up. "Might as well try now." 

OoooOoooO 

As they walked up to the deck, James made a small plan in his head. When they made it, they met a crowd of people. The sea of people opened up in front of them, leading them to Silver. 

Silver greeted them with a smile. "I always have loved a flare or two, so we will the making this a good surprise for Madi. I will go down and greet her and lead her up the dock. You two then come down. Got it, good! Lower the plank!" 

"Wait, Silver. We need to talk." Silver turned his head to James. "Not now, we have to get down." 

"John, we need to talk." The use of his first name caught his attention. "About?" He said turning.

"About the conversation you had with Thomas."

Silver eyes slightly widen before he put on a smile. His fake smile. "Of course, of course. Once we get down." He looked back when on of his men told him the plank was down. With a relieved look he turned and walked to the dock below

James watched him walk to Madi and the rest, greeting one after another. From where he was standing he could see everything; he could see Silvers smile. He looked on with jealousy. Thomas put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "It'll be fine. he said with a smile. 

"Get ready," a man behind then said. Looking down they noticed Silver had separated Madi from the rest. "She looks quite poised." Thomas said. 

"She knows how to carry herself" James said seeing Silvers signal. "Ready?" 

"Yes, I am."

As the walked down to the dock Madi's face changed from confusion to shock to joy. She hurried towards James engulfing him in a hug. 

"It is so good to see you friend, so good to see you." She said with a smile, unshed tears in her eyes. Holding on to his hands she looked him over. "You look as healthy as ever, that's good." After happy with her findings in James, she noticed Thomas. She let go of James' hands to greet him. 

"You must be Thomas. It is good to meet you" she said with a smile. "It is nice to finally meet James's lover." Both men stood shocked. Confused with their silence, it took a second before it dawned on her. Eyes widening she said "Oh! I apologize if I have invaded your privacy". She turned to James worry clear. James broke out of his reverie. "It is fine, really, it is," he replied. She let out a sigh, relieved. "But if we may ask, how did you know?" asked Thomas, his cheeks pink, just like James's. she put on a soft smile, "I forced it out if John. I wanted to know why he left you in a plantation of all places."

Waiting for them was John. Madi walked to him and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you John". "Your welcome" he replied with a fond smile.

All four of them walked back to the gathering of villagers. He nodded in acknowledgment to a few before they started their trek back to the village. After seeing John was no longer talking to anyone, James squeezed through to him. "John, can we talk?"

John looked at him silently, eyes calculating. He smiled, "Yes yes, right away. But before that shouldn't you eat?" He clapped James on the back before yelling "Isn't it time for a feast ?!"

Madi's face lit up "Yes, a feast! We will show our friends good hospitality." The people around them erupted into action, happy to throw a party. As James was dragged away with Thomas, he looked back to see Silver smiling and once again looking relieved. 

OoooOoooO 

After the food was done James looked around for John. After failing to locate him he turned to Madi and asked where John had gone. She nodded towards the docks. "He's leaving now, he left a few minutes ago." 

James bolted up and raced towards the docks Madi called after him. 'He not getting away' he thought with dread. He needed to catch him. He needed to tell him. As he made it to the docks, Silver was already boarding the ship, the plank being pulled up. 

"JOHN!" He yelled. He ran to the ship, looking up. 

John turned and met his eyes. James stood right under him on the dock, sweat rolling down his forehead, reflecting light. The sunset cast a beautiful array of colors over both of them, washing them both in reds and pinks. Silver looked down at James. 'This is a beautiful last look.'

James looked up with a mix of emotions. Anger, sadness, and regret rolled into one, but the grief overpowered them all. He was loosing Silver again. The second time he had to leave him.

"Will I see you again ?" James called, emotion thick in his voice. 

Silver looked down at James, taking everything in, memorizing every detail. He stayed silent, and James knew his answer. 

Silver hid the emotion threatening to show. He would let it out later, in the privacy of his cabin. Without turning from James, he gave his orders. When the ship moved Silver gave one last nod and walked out of sight. 

James stood there at the edge of the dock, watching as the ship got further and further away. When darkness finally fell James looked away. He hung his head and closed his eyes. He stood there in complete silence, taking comfort in the darkness around him. 

Taking comfort in the fact no one could see his tears.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed. Please comment below to tell me how it is.


End file.
